I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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