Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
