i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
