It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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