help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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