it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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