well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
