If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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