I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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