i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
