textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
