the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
