woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
