he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
