Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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