So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
