I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
