I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
