My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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