dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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