I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
