So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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