But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
