If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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