its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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