And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
