I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
