I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
