super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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