go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
