Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
