he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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