I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
whose parrot is this?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
