The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
