My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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