i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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