Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
