Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
