i barfeds in our rink
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
