is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
