I don't think brook has ever known best
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
