His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
