i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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