so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
