he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
