I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
