you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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