I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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