Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
