My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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