yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
