Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
