I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How external is "for external use only"?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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