he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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