what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
