Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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