Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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