I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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