i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
