Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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