i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
