my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
