Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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