i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
