i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
