Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
