You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
