Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
