guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
