you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
