I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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