I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
