Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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