we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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