can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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