I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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