I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
