Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
