His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
