Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
