just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
