..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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